the not quite conculsion

Hoorah!! Marks are in, comments are finished, and it's officially the start of second semester.

Even though they had already negotiated their marks prior to the final, no one in my gr 10 class blew out their final. In fact, only one student was out by over 10% which if compared to a regular classroom and final exam marks almost never happens. I'm not sure if this is because they prepared well knowing they needed to support their chosen mark or if they spent more time during the semester learning concepts so the final seemed easier. Right now I'm so burnt out I'm not sure I care, mostly I'm just relieved this experiment didn't turn into a disaster at the last minute.

Unfortunately this process really highlights the many flaws in my assessment and evaluation practices. Not to mention the very way most of my lessons are constructed and the activities that support. It's big work, overwhelming work, and the frustrating part is "doing little things" as everyone suggests is hard. Doing it all is impossible. So I guess the little things will have to do for now.

the interviews

It's finally the time where I had to sit down and negotiate a mark with my gr 10 students. The whole idea made me nervous as who knew what they would say. Would they have greatly overinflated perceptions of their abilities? Would they not take it seriously and just randomly pick a number hoping I would do the "hard part" for them?

I'm about halfway done, and neither of the issues have come up. What have come up are different issues, ones that simultaneously make me feel terrible about the whole process and reassure me that though there are a whole lot of changes that need to be made, this is a step in the right direction.

It had been my observation that marks often get in the way of students really focusing on what they did or didn't know. The number was all they would look at when I gave them back a test or assignment. This semester, my gr 10s had a lot more conversations about what they knew, and what they were still working on. In a class of 33, a very minimal number or students shirked the task of "doing more" when they didn't fully understand a concept, the vast majority of students were quite proactive about redoing questions, getting help, and redoing evaluations. I don't think any of these students are functioning at a level where they would not be successful with traditional evaluations. Anticipating this from the beginning, it never occurred to me just how terrible I would feel asking them to numerically quantify a learning process. Especially when I think about how incompetent I felt helping them along.

I have one student who has not been able to give herself a mark. When we first sat down, I could tell she was very uncomfortable, so we talked a little and she eventually told me "I'm an 80-85 student." A large part of her identity is wrapped up somewhere between those 2 numbers. Anything less than an 80 is cause for a mini-identity crisis and she has no real desire to try to push herself. A 90 is nice, but elusive and almost magical. When I tried to get her to look at her portfolio to talk about what she had been able to show mastery of, she was absolutely lost - not even able to identify what were concepts we spent more time on as a starting point.

Another student's performance was all over the place, but he's had many difficulties with exams - making evaluating his performance more difficult since there are discrepancies between what he does during class time, and what he does on exams. He did a whole lot of extra work at home, and I honestly believe he understands more than he has shown. That considered, I'm not sure he can produce work to quite the level he imagines - yet. He too has a large part of his identity wrapped up in these numbers, and having to assign a number based on performance this early, relative to his learning seems like it will cause more harm than create motivation.

Many teachers, parents and students will argue that grades are necessary and difficult as it may be to believe, I used to be a student who would fight for every last percent and always wanted to know the class average. Once you start looking at the alternatives however, it seems the numbers really fall short of communicating much of anything.

gulp

So I just took the plunge and decided to run an almost entirely markless math class.  The kids seem into it (shhhh, don't tell them it's more work for them in the long run...) so we'll see how it goes.  It will also be a little bit of work for me to make sure I am keeping up to date in holding kids accountable (not a real strong point for me) so I guess we'll all be working.  Wish me luck!

tales of engagement

I had absolutely no idea how wonderful getting engaged would be.  I mean, I knew it would be a pretty fabulous event in the lives of H and I, but I neglected to imagine just how excited everyone else would be for us.  There was a whole lot of congratulations, hugging, screaming, and even some happy crying going on.  If you combine all that with the whole actually being engaged (!) thing, yeah, pretty awesome.

One group of people who I didn't expect to be excited or even really care was my students.  I knew some of the girls would be excited, but as a whole I just assumed my engagement would go largely unnoticed.  Boy was I wrong.

It was adorable.  My grade 10s had already heard from another teacher, and they entered class Wednesday practically dying of curiosity.  Student after student entered offering congratulations and wanting to know all about it.  Even the boys were totally interested in all the details.  They wanted to know all about H, all about our wedding/life plans (I was continually reminding them that we had just gotten engaged, and no, have not planned out the next 5 years of our life), all about colours, dresses, family, you name it.

At some point in the conversation they asked me if I was going to change my name.  I answered that yes, I was planning on changing my name (groans all around at the prospect of having to call me something different).  So of course they wanted to know what my new name would be.  I told them.  Another questions was asked, and then one boy put up his hand and very sheepishly asked

"Mme, what kind is he?"

I just about fell off my chair laughing, as did the rest of the class.  Several students admitted they were trying to think of a polite way to ask the exact same question.  After I stopped laughing we had a mini history lesson on H's family history, which concluded with another kid exclaiming in an exasperated tone,

"You guys, he's brown!"

I suggested they maybe needed to request some supplementary vocabulary from their history teacher as it's clear it's lacking...  Then I remembered who their history teacher was, and could imagine myself having this exact same conversation with him so, I suppose that explains a lot!

je ne comprends pas

Yesterday I went to pay a little visit to my old stretch math class.  The one that when I think about it it hurts just a little bit that I don't get to teach it.  It was my baby.  Those kids, I miss them.  True I was super frustrated with them at times, but I love them.  Really wanting to understand their learning issues taught me so much about being a better teacher.  (gag, I'm sorry, I'll stop now.)

So I visited.  And observed a lesson by the teacher who is not me.  Typically the same resource teacher who was in with me would be in the class but she had meetings so I opted to fill in.  Since the beginning of the year we have been trying to support the teacher who took over for moi - securing planning time, bringing in experts who really helped me out in the beginning, etc.  I have been very pleasantly surprised with how easy my replacement has been to work with.  Considering all possibilities, we've had an excellent working relationship.

Now, I'm trying to wrap my brain around what I observed and how to best approach the issue, if I can address it at all.  Said teacher is going through notes with the students, but the vocabulary is way out of their league.  The examples and speed are excellent!  The notes, they are making little to no sense for the kids.  Teacher keeps bringing focus back to how they don't need to worry about the notes, about how the examples are what are important, but is still having them copy out the notes.  The ones that make no sense with the accompanying explanations, and will certainly make no sense later without an explanation.  

So after the lesson we are chatting, this that and the other thing.  I decide I should lightly give a little critisism (after of course complimenting the speed and clarity of examples) and point out how the notes were an obstacle for them - not understanding makes many students shut down before they even arrive at the examples.  Teacher replies with "Oh I know, that's why I kept putting emphasis on how they weren't really important."  I didn't know how to tactfully say that they should have been removed then but couldn't think of a way to approach this.  

Today, I am still annoyed.  Seriously, freaking cross them out with an overhead marker.  Tell them not to copy them.  WHATEVER.   I don't understand why you would have them do things that you know are useless, not just useless actually but counter productive.  Last time I checked one of the learning outcomes was not printing practice.

I know I make tons of mistakes in my teaching.  All the time really.  Likely at least once an hour if not more.  I don't understand purposefully doing things in a way that make your job more difficult in the long run though.  

a little perspective

I'll admit it, I lost sight of the big picture.  I have become that teacher.  The one who is just. so. frustrated.  Your lack of effort?  It bothers me.  Please, there are 10 days left.  Could you just learn this last unit so we can all move on?

Friday, I followed a girl into the bathroom.  I wasn't particularly mad, but I did know she was going to the bathroom to text someone and I planned to catch her in the act.  You know, make her feel sheepish, cause some mild embarrassment and confiscate a phone for an hour or two.  Fun teacher stuff. (seriously, I LOVE catching kids with phones and making them live without them for a day.)  I was not expecting her to exit the stall in near hysterics.

What ensued was likely one of the hardest things I've had to deal with yet in my teaching career.  It's certainly something they don't prepare you for in University.  No one tells you what to do when a student comes forth and tells you their friend is being abused, mentally and possibly physically.  That your first reaction will be to want to go find that missing student, to make sure they are okay yourself.  That luckily you are slightly smarter than that and you will simply offer hugs and an escort down to student services because you sure hope they know what to do in such a situation.  That you will feel just as helpless as the teenagers themselves.  That you cannot imagine living with such a burden at 15.

Math seems very unimportant at times like these.  Two of my students have been carrying around this terrible knowledge and feeling of helplessness for 6+ months.  One has been living it.  In my naivete I blamed hormones, spring, turning 16, typical teenage stuff.  It's just all so much bigger than me and my classroom...

la resolution

Student #1 - We let her stay.  It's conditional of course, she will need to redo two units of her Math 10 in resource in order to receive her Math 10 credit in June.  If this doesn't happen, she will return to Math 10 in the fall.  She also needs to be successful in all of our new Math 20 things, or she will not return with us in the fall.  I would like to pretend that this is enough motivation for her get her priorities in order, but such things take time so we shall see.

Student #2 - Has found a home in modified Math until the end of the year.  If things go well for him there (ie. he shows up and is awake) he will be put back into regular programming in the fall.

So that's that, the start of Math 20 has been good times, it's pretty awesome to see the evolution in these little kiddies.

les nerves

I piloted a new math program at my school this year. We took the regular Math 10 and 20 classes and stretched them out over three semesters (instead of the usual two). It's nothing revolutionary, and is actually happening all over both systems here in different shapes and forms. However, we really tried to go the extra mile and approach learning math from all different angles, instead of just giving the kids more time to continue to not understand things. This class has certainly had it's high and it's low points, but all in all it has been just an awesome experience watching struggling learners have success at something they totally hate.

That in itself was something of an accomplishment. And no, of course they didn't all succeed all of the time. But, attitudes have changed, work habits have improved, and every student has received good marks on different units. (yay us!)

Now, back to reality. We have to wind up the Math 10 course. We have to have a final. There is nothing more scary to these kids then a final exam. It's one last chance to mess everything up. So we've broken it up, used all sorts of memory recall aids, spent lots of time coaching them on how to get through it as best they possibly can. I'm still feeling very nervous for them. I want them to do well, and I know they can do well, but getting past this whole "I can't remember ANYTHING!" mentality has been all but impossible.

I think we will all be pretty happy come Tuesday and the start of Math 20...

all worth it

Being a teacher beats you down. Students are regularly apathetic, frustrating and lazy balls of teenage hormones. I connect with these little people on a personal level everyday, and that is great and can be quite rewarding. However, there is always the underlying "but they still don't get it!" They don't quite see the potential that I see, and have no idea how to go about achieving it.

But then they do. Today a student I taught for the last three semesters, who was nothing short of brilliant, who I had the most interesting conversations with, who just would not do homework and assignments, and who's mark hovered around a 50% the entire time I taught him came to see me. He came to share that he had just received his average for his current math class - and it was an 80%! This is nothing short of miraculous for a student who is truly gifted but just could not be bothered to put his current book down to see what unit we were studying.

It makes all the frustration worth it to know that these little people care enough to share their successes. To know that they do eventually sort out how to balance the different parts of their lives without compromising what they really consider to be important. Even better when they come let me know so I can celebrate with them!

totally floored

The original desire to win a pizza party, followed by the desire to be the winning class, has somehow lead to my class raising over $500 for the foodbank this Christmas. My class alone raised what the entire school set as its goal this year. The generosity of these 25 students is totally amazing, especially since I know for almost all of them it was their own money they donated.

always amazed

Our annual foodbank drive started Monday. I've found the kids here to be really generous with their money in general, but one kid just blew me away this year. He handed me $100 of his own money. When I asked him if he was sure he wanted to donate that much money he replied "I have more money right now than I have in my entire life and I have nothing to spend it on." This seems like a pretty mature realisation from a 16 year old.

I'm sure a few other students overheard pieces of our conversation, and shortly after asked him how much he'd donated. Again, I was surprised by his reply. "I didn't donate a lot of money just so I could brag about how much I gave." And that was that.

Wow.

already?

Seriously, how is it already November? The good news about this must be that Christmas will be here before I've really registered that's it's November.

Things are still just as crazy as previously mentioned. Last week, while running late, I even managed to have a shower and not wash my hair. For those of you who don't know about my self-cleaning policies, on most days this is the only purpose of even having a shower. So by 7:45am, I'd already failed in one of my more important daily goals. Of course, there was no real way to rectify this situation until 6:30pm. Gross.

This is also the time of year when I leave the house in the dark and don't get home until it is dark. If my classroom didn't have windows I could viably look into becoming a vampire and have it not affect my daily routine in the least. This would simplify the difficulty I seem to have finding quick protein sources for one.

Have I mentioned most of my students are grade 10s? Typically lame at the best of times, entering into these thankless weeks before Christmas really brings out the best in them. I mean, currently I'm expecting them to breath AND stay awake at the same time. I know, my expectations, they are too much.

How many days til Christmas?

happy coming out month!

I've been meaning to post about this for a week now, but I have literally been so angry at the whole situation that it just hasn't been possible.

In case you were unaware, October is international coming out month. Now, I don't really know why (and haven't really bothered to look into it too much either...) but regardless, coming out month. My GSA, being the crazy awesome group they are decided my school should celebrate coming out month. True, they didn't ask the school's permission, but who doesn't love a celebration? For the first of the month the decorated the hallways - rather sparsely, it is a huge school - with posters and set up our closet. The closet says "closets are for clothes" and everyday of the month another celebrity "comes out." Huge kudos to the kids in our building - our posters have remained up and our closet remains intact.

Imagine our surprise, when last week, one of our APs approaches my co-advisor with a few concerns. It appears he has had a few complaints from other staff members about the "offensive" posters the GSA has up. Not really wanting to get into this discussion, she politely asked him to our meeting, which just happened to be at noon that day. My co-advisor is a force to be reckoned with so I'm sure he figured that would be a much simpler way to attain his goal.

Our meeting was already underway by the time he decided to grace us with his presence. The girls quickly wrapped up whatever business we were tending to so that our very busy AP could get back to whatever it is APs do. It all went downhill after he stood up. You see, because after he stood up, he opened his mouth. As often happens, words came out. He opened with a long list of people he knew. This is never a good sign, the simultaneous assertion of importance and confirmation of "common allies." He was searching so deep for these common allies that he was bringing out the siblings of my co-advisor. I could barely contain myself from rolling my eyes.

He then launched into full on "it's not me but" mode. He stated that a couple teachers had sought him out to tell him that they found two of our posters offensive. That we needed to be respectful of people of different mind sets then ours. That some people who are not homophobic might take offense to the fact that we are saying there are homophobic people in our school. When he was done talking, there was silence. For a few seconds I was very concerned none of the students were going to be able to say anything, and I was already fuming angry at this man and his ridiculous claims. So I not so respectfully told him, and the room, that those people were ignorant and it was their choice to be mis-interpreting what our group was saying and doing.

Almost as soon as I opened my mouth, the hands started creeping up. It was almost as if they needed a little push, just an "it's okay, we are not going to let this man come in here and undo what we are doing." Never in my life have I been prouder of a group of students. They were polite, they were articulate, they were logical, they were all of the things we worry young people won't be. Our poor AP didn't see it coming. He was completely unprepared to be dealt with in this way. So he started digging himself a hole. A large hole. He gave these kids more ammunition then they ever could have hoped for. Some gems include

• we don't want to encourage the "gay lifestyle"
• he knows gay people
• we don't put up posters about being Christian or Muslim (when really, we do, we have an ISCF)
• well, I had to answer in an "old school" kind of way (when asked how he responded to the complainers)
  

On top of this, he keeps falling back on his argument that he's not telling them they need to do anything, he's not asking us to take down our posters, he really just wanted to come and let us know that he had had two complaints. It is becoming more and more obvious he has no reason to be at our meeting. The kids are far too polite to point this out. So me - now with permanent contract! - asks him flat out "So, Mr. AP, this is a building of 1500 people. We have over 100 staff members. You keep telling us that you have only had 2 people approach you with concerns, and that you aren't asking us to take down our posters. So what are you doing here?" He couldn't answer. There was time for a few last questions and remarks before lunch was over.

I was shaking I was so mad. This man is supposed to be a leader in our school. This man is supposed to set aside his personal beliefs and advocate for students. Instead, he is a bully. A passive aggressive bully. I cannot believe he honestly thought he would walk into that room and magically "deal" with the GSA and their rainbow posters, just in time for Parent-Teacher interviews I might add. It is his own fault, that he never even dreamed this story could have another ending. He has stirred something in these kids that was likely dormant in most of them. You see, until now, it was all fun. Sure, the issues were out there, and there was work to do in raising awareness in our school. But making positive space posters, holding a day of silence, having coffee with other GSAs, bake sales, marching in the pride parade, etc. it was all fun because most of these kids had never really seen what the ugly two faced beast of homophobia looks like in person. He made it personal. He made them see that there is a fight here, and instead of beating them down like he was hoping to, he wound them up.

I'm not sure he's realized his mistake quite yet. But he might by the end of the year when instead of carving themselves a little niche in the school the GSA has permeated the very fabric that it is made of.

29.75 sleepathon?

Yipes, life is hectic! It's the long weekend and I have no plans. Don't really want any either. A big thanks to queen Vicotria though, Monday is going to feel like heaven.



Due to working at school that never stops with the activities, unfortunately my Human Rights group had to organise their annual 30 hour famine for the long weekend. We also had to change the name since we are not sending the money raised to World Vision, so the 29.75 hour famine is born. I'm guessing it would never be a particularly easy task to get supervisors for such a big block of time (it is broken down into 2 hour shifts), the long weekend made it essentially impossible. Being the only advisor without other life commitments, I agreed up front to supervise the deathly 1:15am to 5:15am block. I also was feeling generous enough to sign Big Red up to assist me in my supervising.

As doom time approached, I was feeling less and less keen to force myself to stay up with 25ish hyperactive teenagers when my body was making it abundantly clear it really wanted to be in bed. I did go however, and was totally unprepared for what I found.

Upon arrival, I was a little confused that the two supervisors we were replacing were sitting completely removed from the kids, they appeared to be supervising a couple of chairs and a table in fact. The door to where the crazy should have been coming from wasn't even open. I congratulated them on their clearly superior supervising skills. Anything could have been going on in the auditorium, and here they were, making sure the table didn't move. That is dedication.

This is when they informed me that they were all sleeping, and had been since just shortly after midnight. WHAT?! I knew I was risking waking them all up, thusly creating 25 energetic since we just had a great nap students, but this was something I could not believe without seeing it. But it was true! No whispering, no fidgeting, just sleeping. What kind of teenagers are these? I was secretly dreaming that they would choose to at least try to sleep at around 3ish, but sleeping at midnight? In a large group of their peers? On the Friday of the long weekend? The bizarro situation almost made me want to go wake them up just to explain how my brain could not handle them acting in such an atypical fashion.

I didn't. Big Red and I then proceeded to sit for 4 hours, in a school without heat, never hearing a peep from anyone until our replacements showed up. I'm not even sure there were students present.

mathletes

Last weekend I was lucky enough to chaperone a group of students down to Regina for the SK Math Challenge. What Saturday don't I want to get up at 4h45 to ride on a yellow school bus for 2.5 hours on an icy highway? Oh wait... all of them. Nothing says comfort like having your knees up around your neck and very little heat. The wheel well I sat overtop of turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it kept my feet off the ground, and apparently at least 5 degrees warmer than everyone else's feet.

When we finally arrived in Regina I was very happy to realign my body and partake in the 8h30am cookie break provided for us. Cookies at 8h30? I was slowly warming up to these math types.

After everyone was cookied and juiced, it was time to get things started. A very impressive number of 242 students from gr 8-10 were present (technically we snuck some grade 7s in...) The students wrote 3 rounds - one individual, two group. While they were all writing their individual rounds, I met some math types and helped out with door prizes, supervision, etc.

During the two group rounds, I supervised a room with 3 different groups of students. One from my school, one from a Regina highschool, and one from a small town. Before coming, I had been told our students were out to win. Not having much prior involvement with the students or this particular math competition, I really wasn't aware of just how serious they were. Watching our students compete was something in itself. They had a game plan and strategy that had obviously been practiced. They divided and attacked the first round and seemed to compile their answers as some kind of technicality. The second round was divided, but more group discussion took place. It is fantastic and hilarious to watch kids get this into math. Large arm movements and heated discussion was going on at all 3 tables. I felt bad, because one (presumably grade 9) boy from the Regina school kept coming to ask me questions, but as he would walk towards me he would have the most intense look of concentration on his face, that it was hard not to laugh. I hope he also does drama. Seriously. The third group was there for fun and may or may not have gotten one of the second round questions correct but they were still very entertaining.

While the kids were writing away, I got to visit with another teacher from a small town close to the border who's name I've already forgotten. She was shocked to see how into it my students were, and it is pretty amazing that somehow a reverse sort of peer pressure has built up around the math contests and math club. Someone must be doing something right if you're a "loser" if you miss math club.

The least pleasant part of the day? Lunch. It was loud, the kids were all riled up, and an idiot designed the setup. Everyone got into a large line that did a bit of a Disney wind to first get their drink. So far so good. Then, the drink line branched off into 2 different lines for pizza acquisition. Also good. However, instead of getting a plate and then pizza, you were supposed to walk past the pizza to the far end of the table for you plate and then back around in a circular pattern. Who thought of this? Instead of 4 lines, there were two very chaotic circles. And only one girl bringing out new pizza. Have these people never seen 14 year old boys eat? The pizza girl never had a chance. I was very happy NSFG and Mr. T showed up to have lunch with me. We had a nice, albeit quick, visit while the students were receiving a tour of the University.

Back for award time. Wow. Our students took home pretty much everything. 7 of the top ten grade 9s, 6 of the top 10 grade 10s, and all but one team award. The grade 7s and 8s from our feeder school also cleaned up and only 1 of their students went home without a certificate. I even won the good door prize - $75 to spend on NCTM stuff. Whoot!

On a bit of a math (and sugar) high, the bus ride home was a little on the painful side. Ok, by the time we hit Hanley, very on the painful side. I'm certainly looking forward to next year when it's in Saskatoon and I can just witness the math parts!

i guess you had to be there...

Often I try to tell stories of the weird and wonderful projects my students make up for me. Normally, I do a piss poor job and everyone looks away awkwardly (except Rach, who wishes school was still about making funny videos...). So, thanks to YouTube, I can now share these darling projects with you. This is my most recent acquisition. Voila, le future simple and le future proche for your enjoyment!

Update
It looks like YouTube isn't cooperating with me right now. I can't even access YouTube since I'm at school so I'll have to fix this later. Stupid school board and their blocking antics.

Update #2
It would appear YouTube and I aren't friends anymore. You would think since google bought both Blogger and YouTube using the same account between all three would be simple. YouTube currently thinks doesn't think my blog is mine. So go here to see the video.

I do love them!

My period one class chose not to write their exam on the last day of classes, so instead we had cookies and hot chocolate and discussed our favorite tv shows and random things. (This actually happens more than I should admit...) While we were "sharing fellowship" (the Catholics have words to justify everything, including eating and doing nothing. I may have switched systems, but I will steal what I deem appropriate.) one of my students took a few moments and personalised my Christmas card. It seems appropriate to share.

Twas 3 days before Christmas
And all through the school
Students chattered of the upcoming yule
In the math class Mme sat at her desk
Patiently awaiting 2nd periods test
She then glanced at her class and realised
Oh my goodness I love these guys!
So her class shouted with cheer
Merry Christmas Mme and Happy New Year!