Friday, October 13, 2006

birthday extravaganza con't

After our delicious supper and a small wardrobe adjustment, we continued our evening with what every good birthday must contain - dancing! Remembering how well the hose turned out for Rach's stagette, I decided to head there first with plans on bailing if it sucked.

We were joined by Xtina and some of her fabulous friends/aquaintances. They were wonderful because they were so fabulously nerdy. They convered the whole spectrum of the nerd scale, which I highly appreciated. The friend was my favorite type of nerd - nerdy interests but some social skills, very funny, and generally confused by those operating on a lesser intellectual level than himself. The two aquaintances were the extremes. #1 was more of a traditional nerd. As in a geek. Little social skills, even less interest in posessing any. #2 had the long hair and glasses, reasonable social skills, less intelligence but potentially a closet full of costumes and magic cards. There was also an aquaintance girl whose role did not become obvious until later in the evening. She seemed very nice, awesome and normal but seeing as we were with her friends you knew she must have some secret nerdiness locked away that she can bring out when she wants to.

Back to the hose. Hmmm, I should have assumed the luck we had the first time was just that - luck and maybe attempted another local. It would appear the Hose has developped several fatal flaws and therefore should only be attempted in a large pack. Flaw number 1, the good music appears in very spaced out sets. Unless of course you are a gangsta' and then they temporarily interrupt what you like so people can dance every hour and a half. Flaw number 2, the age of the patrons. When I go to a bar, I always expect to see what I like to fondly refer to as "the creeps." You know them, they're old, they're creepy, and occasionnally they drink enough that they think talking to you is a good idea. At the Hose on Friday night, those creeps were not 40-50, they were 25ish. WHAT? If I were to draw you a box and whisker graph of what the average age at the Hose was, this is what it would look like:

Naturally, when this is your age dispersion, stupid drunk boys happen. They yell. They also come up to your table and try to hand out straws. This is awesome for many reasons. No one really wants a straw in their drink that a stranger has manhandled. A drunk stranger. Some people are more opposed to this than others. Some people, are nerd #1. Having not said a word all night as far as I know, he must have been sitting in the corner working himself up into a big ball of angry. All the drunken stupidity must really have gotten to him, and drunk straw man is who pushed him over the edge. Contrary to his very nerd nature, he could no longer contain himself. So angered was he by the drunken straw touching and handing out, he grabbed a straw off the table, stood up, and whipped the straw at drunk boy's back. This may have been on of the funniest things I have ever seen. I was in awe. I mean, drunk boy didn't even feel it and nerd #1 was practically shaking he was so angry. I sure hope he felt better after the release of the pent up anger, cause we made him stay there for at least another hour. He confided to Xtina later that "he's never been a bar person." I resisted the great urge to call him Captain Obvious, I was pretty sure he wouldn't find that funny.

I digress. It was weird to be in a bar with creepy 25 year olds. I always thought there was a process to becoming a creep. It would appear it's inborn in certain people. But we didn't get to bent out of shape by it, there was of course dancing to be done! True, it was dancing with 17 year olds by the nicest guess, but Sexyback is Sexyback. On the dance floor is where we met Elbows. He swooped in out of nowhere and appeared to belong to no one. We were suspicious, it seemed very likely a dare on behalf of his friends that he come dance with the two 'old girls' on the dance floor in the most ridiculous way possible. His manner of choice? The elbow dance. Much like the uppercut, with no cutting. He also favoured the twirl, the group sway and his grand piece de resistance was trying to push himself off our shoulders and onto the speaker (failed on all 3 attempts). I kept expecting Elbow's friends to show up and politely escort him away. They never arrived. Luckily, bad music eventually did, and we sadly had to leave the dance floor and Elbows behind. Whatever became of him we don't know, as far as we know he is still cutting up a rug on the hose dance floor.

It was finally of an appropriate hour to be able to leave and head to Diva's for what was hopefully to be better music, and a slightly less intoxicated crowd. It was here that the girl's role became known. She was nerd #1's girlfriend!! I never saw it coming. She ditched them to come with us, which was almost as unexpected as her dating nerd #1. Not unexpected was running into a fight on the way out. Want to make your bar look busy? Simple, don't let anyone leave! An approved practice since 1925!

Diva's was mediocre, but still fun. Kev and crew showed up and confirmed that all of Saskatoon was mediocre - hypothetically due to the long weekend/rolling stones concert combo. Twas a good birthday indeed.


bag marla said...

Awww...that sounds like good times. Sorry to have missed it...

bag marla said...

PS - All of your posts should involve some sort of graph, Mathie McMatherson.

Christina said...

Your birthday didn't seem more "funny" than a usual night out but in hindsight it was hilarious.
Nerd #1 rules me, and its obvious he now rules you too.

PS. Marla is right, you need graphs in every post from here on in.

bag marla said...

Hi Christina! What up?! *waves*