Thursday, November 09, 2006

je suis pathétique!

I have finally decided to go back to the gym after a bit of absence. There is one right across the street from me after all. The particular gym I have joined, offers what appeals to me - some pretty fun looking classes and a weight room that is essentially never used because 95% of it's clientele is stay at home mom's who do step classes.

One of these classes is called "group centergy." i think it's pretty obvious from its name how awesome a class it is. I mean, someone took the time to make up a new hybrid word - just for this class! Group centergy is offered at 6am on Thursday mornings. Now, i'm no morning person, but for centergy, even the 6 am couldn't keep me away. Oh, I know what you're all saying - get out chelle! no class could be THAT good. oh ya? resist this!

Group Centergy is a revolution in mind/body training that will change the way you feel about your body—forever. You'll stand straighter, feel stronger, become more flexible, and more physically aware. Set to uplifting music, Group Centergy is designed to increase your endurance, reduce stress, and relieve pain. So get your mind and body into the flow - Group Centergy.

It's a revolution! It's going to change me forever! It's centergy!

Anyway, I figured it would be a good place to start my re-entry to the world of being in shape. The yoga thing appeals to me on a conceptual level. Realistically I've hated the little I've done, it's way too hokey. I've been told pilates is better, but more expensive. Tai chi? Something a little more hollywoodesque?  Really what I was hoping for was a good old fashioned stretch class. If it needed to be called centergy, so be it.

I roll out of bed. The cold hurts me, but the studio was nice and warm. I was all set to start my day with some good stretching and stress relieving. You know, in a relaxed manner. I was picturing the funny class Xtina and I took in Japan one day, minus the weird foamy things. For some reason my knowledge of the excitement over "centergy!" didn't make me think that it would be strenuous.

The fine folks at the gym really need to bold and underline the word endurance in their class description. Maybe make it flash or something. This was no gentle wake up. It was more of a plunge into cold water. Only the cold water was a flashback to doing deep pliés in second for hours on end (for you non dancers, wall sits are somewhat equivalent, minus the wall).

I was enjoying it - I did kinda ask for the stretch class - that is, until I just about passed out. Oh ya, that's right folks, I just about passed out from doing YOGA. I'm so out of shape that yoga makes me dizzy. True it was a little like yoga on speed (which, once i'm not a loser, will be awesome cause it makes it not hokey), but still. About 20mins in I had to leave and sit in the dressing room for fear of actually falling over. I'm a trooper though, I got over it and jumped right back in. Just in time for the lady to try and kill us all.

I'm an abs person. I love abs stuff. Probably cause it's something I've always been relatively good at. They didn't include in the centergy description that abs of steel were a prerequisite. Steel probably isn't good enough anyway, centergy demands some kind of crazy new alloy. Abs of centergy. The good thing was we were on the floor at this point so passing out would be almost undetectable.

For the first time ever, I appreciated the end cool down breathing/visualisation thing. Because I thought I was dying. Because I'm not sure I would have been able to walk out of there without it.


Rach said...

Yay for going to the gym! I think it is funny that you thought your first trip to the gym would be great at six am!

five said...

I so cannot imagine YOU at the gym at 6:00. You think that waking up before 10:00 is criminal ! So good for you !!

bag_marla said...

I approve. I also approve of you going to a gym that is owned by my ex-physiotherapist. If you ever run into Bruce, please tell him I say hi!!

Matty said...

Come on Parker, you don't need to goto the gym. Especially at the hour of the day. At least wait until after Noon to go.